I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
