Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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