No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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