Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
