I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
