it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
