matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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