he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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