two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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