btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize