Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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