my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
