Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
