i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
as a side note pls kill me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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