You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
