Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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