You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
