The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is classic penis vs brain.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
