Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We need to rekindle our bromance
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
