she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
