Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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