My nipple is on Facebook.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
