I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize