got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
