Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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