When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
