No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
