We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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