I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
