Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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