Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
