Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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