apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
