Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We need to rekindle our bromance
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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