I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
