my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
