can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
