just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
