I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
