he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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