I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
