he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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