my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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