I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
