The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
