If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
