I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
