They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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