I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
