had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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