Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize