hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I look better un-naked...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
