took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
