I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
