why didn't you poke me back
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
