That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
