I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
