so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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