he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
