the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
