I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
