Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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