I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
even my farts smell like vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
