can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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