The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
