Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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