Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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