alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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