someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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