no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
