I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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