HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
