So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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