I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
