It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
