I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
