3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
