He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
