Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
