Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
