you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
