It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
